Restarting. Again.

Steven and I are back in Arlington! We bought a condo, moved all of our stuff in, only unpacked half of it, and then went on vacation for two weeks (as everyone should). And I bet the other half of our stuff is going to stay packed for quite a bit. Yes, I am tired of looking at boxes, carrying boxes, smelling boxes, and tearing down boxes. But the sad reality is, if they stay in the boxes, that means it means we will go back to Pittsburgh, right? Right???

If you know me at all, you know I am pretty much in love with everything about Pittsburgh. It's the only place I ever want to live, call home, and raise a family (in the distant, distant future). And it's not just the sports teams (although yes, I may be slightly fanatical about all things black and gold). So you can imagine it was slightly heart-breaking for me to leave. Both Steven and I had a lot of fun there and had to leave a lot of family, friends, and memories behind. It was like a bad break up; you don't want the relationship to end, but sometimes circumstances conclude that it has to, and then tears ensue. In my case, quite a few tears- sobbing when packing, sobbing when cleaning, sobbing as I left ghetto-Homestead even though I tried to avoid it like the plague when I was close-by.

And I know some of you are thinking ("you", as in my mother), "Well what about State College? You left family and friends behind there!" Yes, okay, I did. I lived my entire life there. But Steven and I started our own lives and can now choose where we want to live. State College served me for a time and it was the best place to grow up, but if it's up to me, I would rather not live there ever again. Sorry, Ma.

So I'm really just trying to prolong my stay in the City of Bridges. I'm not particularly welcoming to the brand new experiences that lay before me. I'd rather be a hermit. I know what you're thinking: "You've lived there before, so it should be an easy transition!" HA. Don't be fooled like I was. I thought it would be better, but it's not. It's still the same routine: learning the geography, adjusting to how cruel, shallow, and impatient the general population is, driving like I just came in from Port-au-Prince (all the time), and having like, two friends. Again (here's to you, Ian and Bren!).

But this is where I have a decision to make. I could be a hermit like I'd love to do, but the kicker is that I would be missing out on God's plans for my life, and I can't sit back and let that happen. I have to catch up my emotional state with my physical one or the transition is just going to be long, rough, and full of remorse. So even if it's Day 1 and I get sworn at vehemently by two drivers and almost get into an accident 4 times in 15 minutes (I'm innocent on all accounts, I promise!), I HAVE to go back out there, fight another day and try my darnedest not to become calloused, jaded, or the epitome of everything I dislike about DC. And that's tough.

But here goes nothing! I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes. Prayers coveted.

Top Ten Things I've Learned About Marriage (in 11 months)

10) Time apart refreshes and rejuvenates your relationship, but sleeping alone is a total bummer.
If you have seen me apart from Steven for any amount of time, I turn into a whiny child (despite our time apart in college). But it helps us refocus, renew, and realize why we decided to marry each other in the first place. (Tip: it doesn't get any easier leaving the one you love. You just have to learn how to deal with it.)

9) The choices and priorities you make on your wedding day are a gauge for what you and your spouse will value in the future.

8) Your spouse will continue to surprise you everyday.

Whether due to character traits or unexplained thought processes and resulting actions, there will always be a certain unpredictability factor that you will need to adjust to and respect. It is that unpredictability that makes your spouse unique and will grow your love and appreciation for them.

7) Passivity has no room in marriage. Whether it's the way you speak, the choices you make, or opinions you have, you need to be ACTIVE about it. Continued passivity will lead to negative feelings on both ends. So, state what you want, what you feel, what you think in a respectful and thought-out manner. For example, women: drop the "hinting" deal. Men don't get it. Don't torture them. If you actually want to get what you're hinting at, just tell them.

Similarly, sarcasm is not an effective form of communication.

As easy and tempting as it is to be sarcastic and sassy (women), it will get you nowhere except into a bigger fight. And it can just confuse the daylights out of your spouse if they can't pick up on it, so once again, don't torture them.

6) There are certain things I am never going to have to do again, and it is GLORIOUS. Said things include: pumping gas; moving big, heavy objects; killing bugs; trying to keep myself warm; protecting myself from the dangerous world outside; etc. And there are certain things that Steven will never have to do again, which I'm sure he finds glorious (worrying about having clean boxers, going into a grocery store alone, feeding himself, having a full bank account, etc.) I heart gender stereotypes.

5) Severe introversion applies to marriage as well.
Starting out, everyone thinks that they want to spend all their time with their spouse and it's going to be great and life is going to be rainbows and butterflies.

Let me shatter this illusion for you if you are a severe introvert like I: You will still want to be alone. And I'm going to guess that your partner is more extroverted than you, and they will not pick up on this nor understand it. So there are three things you can do:
a) Be moody and passive aggressive about the situation. (Tip: DOESN'T WORK)
b) Suck it up and pretend to be extroverted (Tip: DOESN'T WORK)
c) Be active and recognize how you can have alone time and when you need it the most. Chances are, your spouse will respect that and give you room. Make sure to give yourself limits though; leaving your (extroverted, energetic) spouse hanging isn't very kind or conducive to their personality or your relationship.

4) Love: redefined.
As you all know, Steven and I had the privilege of dating long-distance for 4 years. "Love" then was defined by how: a) I felt about him, and b) how my feelings were expressed, and c) what actions those expressions resulted in. Love now is defined by a) respecting and appreciating his decisions and hard work, b) acknowledging those things, and c) doing simple tasks that make his life more enjoyable (scratching him to sleep, washing his clothes, packing his lunches, etc.)

3) Give-take-give-take-give-take; repeat: always. And in that order.

2)  The stronger your marriage grows, you begin to wonder how you were ever a whole person before your wedding day.

Let me sum it up by a cheesy quote from a somewhat cheesy movie: "You complete me."

And the answer is this: you weren't whole before marriage. That's the point of being married.

1) Being Steven's wife is THE BEST JOB I could have ever asked for, dreamed of, or wanted. "Mrs. Steven Holdcroft" is not a title of male dominance, but one that shows my pride in being called this man's wife. I am incredibly blessed.

A Tale of Two Cities

Washington DC: A land flowing with materialism, politics, and money.
Pittsburgh: A land flowing with (literally) steel and blue-collar pride.

So Steven and I are here in Pittsburgh, our second city in 9 months of marriage. And unlike the first move, this one had a trillion bumps in the road that made me promise to become a minimalist for as long as I live.

For those of you who have never been to Pittsburgh, the next few paragraphs should give you an idea of this city of 300,000.

First and foremost, Pittsburgh is a blue-collar city, and they are very proud of it. Tons of abandoned steel mills line the Monongahela River on the south side, serving as a reminder of the city's beginnings. The South Hills is the more "industrial", I-wouldn't-go-running-there-again-without-pepper-spray side that has transformed into the place to be for 20 somethings on a Friday or Saturday night. The North Hills, quite frankly, is where you would find a snob if you were looking for one. It is where all the white-collar folks moved their families to get away from the city. They have about 23849 times more money than the south side, and the entire geographical portion of Pittsburgh knows it. To the east is Monroeville (who kind of live in their own little world) and the airport lies to the west (Hello Ohio!!)

Like I mentioned, Pittsburgh has blue-collar pride. They take pride in working hard no matter what the task, which has really formed a culture that is unique to this city. Because of this, they are therefore appreciative of the money and things that they have, adore/obsess/rally around their sports teams (yes, even the Pirates), and more generous than I could have guessed (my tips increased by 30% literally overnight despite the fact that my store does 2/3 the business of my old store). Pittsburgh-ers are Burgh for life, speak Pittsburgh-ese, and generally don't take life to seriously.

Now let's compare to DC, shall we? Northern VA would be to the North Hills as Maryland is to the South Hills. No one is really from DC; people just migrate in and out as their jobs see fit. Their sports teams are mediocre, and so are their attitudes about them. Most people in DC (or Northern VA at least) expect to get what they want when they want it, and if they don't their worlds are turned upside down and they will let you know it and demand 14 free drinks for the minor inconvenience you just caused them. It is a culture of materialism: everyone drives the nicest cars; wears really expensive clothes; buys $500,000, 700 square feet condos; and is probably in debt up to their ears (except for my brother and sister-in-law for sure... shout out to you).

Yes, DC has class, but so does the Burgh. Downtown has transformed from a lung-cancer-inducing atmosphere of the early 1900's to one of the neatest skylines I have ever seen. New skyscrapers are right next to buildings from the 1800's; art, sports, science, universities, medicine, and a plethora of other areas are showcased in such a small area. And as if you need proof, National Geographic showcased it as one of the best trips to take in 2012 (and I must agree):
http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/best-trips-2012/#/botw-main-gallery-pittsburgh_41334_600x450.jpg

In short, I love Pittsburgh so much because it's unique in that has the small-town mentality but is still a city. The aura of DC can be found in New York, LA, Chicago or other similar cities. Steven and I are loving it here so far and are hoping for a great 6 months ahead.

Top 10 advantages to having a teeny tiny itty bitty apartment

10) Frugality: If you don't have space to put stuff, chances are you aren't going to be buying a lot of excess stuff.

9) Dietary guidance: When your refrigerator is the size of a shoebox, you'll only put staple foods in it, therefore eliminating extra unneccessary calories.

8) Teamwork: You have to work together to make it a decent, functional living space. End of story.

(This is my favorite room in the apartment: Steven's closet+storage area+pantry)

7) Money saver: You can heat the entire thing by turning on the shower and keeping the door open (since we don't pay for water separately from rent, this works out really well)

6) Efficiency: You can stand in the doorway of the bathroom and sweep and mop the entire thing. Same goes for the kitchen.

5) Lost and found: Lose something? It's found within 5 minutes. 10 if it's really lost.

4) Cleaning: You can clean the entire thing in 30 minutes. 45 if you're being thorough.

3) Conflict resolution: During a disagreement with your spouse, there is nowhere to run and hide. You are forced to resolve said disagreement right away (this is better for me than him).

2)  Not too much wall space: Just enough space to hang up our updates from our friends who are making a big impact for the Lord!

1) Memories: It is our first home, and one that I will always love and cherish.

Top Ten Most Common Quotes (for our first 6 months of marriage)

10) "Let's bike there. Because driving will take twice as long."
(The adjustment to living in a place with traffic.)

9)*gasp!* "They're like us!!"
(The adjustment to living in a place with people.)

8) "I hate people."
(Me, after I get off of work everyday. i.e. the adjustment to working with lots of people as a severe introvert. You can assume what most of my prayers are centered around.)

7) "Hola, Pedro. Yo tengo una pregunta sobre una problema en este apartamento..."
(Jose the Repairman calling for outside help every time he's here to fix a problem, which is about once a month.)

6) "Wow, everything's so small. Which I guess is perfect for you guys."
(Everyone who has ever stepped foot in our 700 square foot apartment.)

5) "But honey, where are we going to put it?"
(Me, reference to all the new things we acquire in our apartment, such as a tandem bicycle and a Christmas tree.)

4) "Yeah, but then where are we going to put that?"
(Me, in rebuttal to Steven's idea of where we should put the things we move in order to fit our newly acquired stuff in our apartment.)

3) "I'm not a goon, I'm your husband!"
(You have to live with him to know that this is justified.)

2) "Crazy woman."
(You have to live with me to know that this is justified.)

1) "We're poor."
(Every time Steven looks at the finances, which is everyday.)



But really, the most common quote by far is simply this:
"I love you."